As I've been going through my math classes this year, I've started to ponder the question, "Am I a big enough nerd for this?"
Seriously. At first I was surprised to discover that I didn't loathe math as much as I thought I did. After I passed Intermediate Algebra with flying colors, I was feeling much more confident in my skills.
Now I'm 4 weeks away from finishing my Trigonometry class and I'm just about out of steam. I've taken up the hobby of slacking off on homework. Sure, I'm working full time now, but when I get home from work I could totally bust out the textbook and cruise through 30 problems. However, when I get home from work I kick off my shoes, grab a refreshing nonalcoholic beverage, and let my brain download the day's events.
All I can say is it was a hell of a lot easier to find time and initiative to study when I had all day to do as I pleased. Oh, to be financially independent and jobless!
So aside from work taking time out of my schedule, I've been giving a lot of thought to how much determination I have to actually follow through with an engineering degree. I feel like I should be geeking out on all things engineering related and eating general math problems for breakfast. Truth is, when I'm not in school, I rarely think about math. I think about making CD mixes, driving, working on my car, locations for 1 am photo shoots, and learning to play guitar again. I think about how much I love working outside and never doing the same thing twice.
Then I think about me as a future engineering student. I see me cursing at traffic as I commute to school and hauling boatloads of books. I see me being bored in class. I can imagine me turning down opportunities to go to shows or write blog entries in order to run my brain cells on a never ending treadmill of Calculus problems. I foresee the creative section of my brain shriveling up and dying as my camera collects dust on the shelf.
Then I try to look ahead to me as a mechanical engineer. I envision me sitting at a desk in a cubicle on a computer putzing away on CAD designing some I-beam. I envision me being super freaking bored and financially stable.
I'm not sure if these visions are completely fictional or the product of an imagination with no frame of reference about what actual engineers do all day. I have no problem sacrificing time or hobbies for something that will eventually pay off in terms of my ultimate happiness and hopefully as a positive contribution to society too. But at this age, I will be seriously pissed if I make the commitment to dump everything in my life except for school and I emerge as little more than an humanoid calculator given tasks to compute.
To put it in perspective, if someone told me that I would be technically challenged and creatively inspired shooting photography or pursuing music, I wouldn't hesitate to change my major. I'm just not convinced by the curriculum that I see at CSUN that a Journalism major is that challenging, or more importantly, even worth it. In fact, I would rather be an engineer any day than sit in a radio station newsroom again. For me, it seems like my constant debate: pursue a traditional degree and pretty much be guaranteed a good job or pursue a creative career and be in limbo financially but possibly be happier overall. Hmm...
Thoughts?
Am I a big enough nerd?
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3 comments:
I find it not too hard to inject creativity into software engineering. the old story goes that if you set 5 people down to write 5 programs to do the same thing, not only will the 5 programs be different, each of the 5 programs will use 5 completely different paradigms. that's why we still have engineers, the stuff can't just be calculated and cranked out automatically.
the good engineers not only know their technical stuff, they develop good taste in design, and the really good ones raise it to an artistic level; so much so that when the more 'ordinary' ones look at one the best ones have done, it takes their breath away!
or, to put it another way, hang in there kiddo, and you too can master the five point palm exploding heart technique! what I mean by that is you are on the path to a career that other mere mortals cannot complete: you will be empowered to create real things, things that can both be beautiful for their own sake (if you're good!), but can also do something useful at the same time.
what could possibly be better??
Thanks for the encouraging words. Right now I feel like I'm getting my ass kicked by Pai Mei.
It would definitely help if I was 100% convinced that this was my life's calling.
You're right, engineering is one of those interesting careers where you can indeed create something inspiring(for those who are in the know) and useful at the same time.
I would argue that playing in an orchestra or painting a work of art are equally inspiring, but I suppose their end purpose is for entertainment or relaxation and not practical use.
the reason I bring up work that is functional too is that is one of the payoffs for me: I go through the creative process, enjoying every second of the work, but at the end, I get to see it doing something. it's a huge thrill to see my efforts in motion, accomplishing a previously un-doable task. my creation is alive! ;)
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