Am I a big enough nerd?

As I've been going through my math classes this year, I've started to ponder the question, "Am I a big enough nerd for this?"

Seriously. At first I was surprised to discover that I didn't loathe math as much as I thought I did. After I passed Intermediate Algebra with flying colors, I was feeling much more confident in my skills.

Now I'm 4 weeks away from finishing my Trigonometry class and I'm just about out of steam. I've taken up the hobby of slacking off on homework. Sure, I'm working full time now, but when I get home from work I could totally bust out the textbook and cruise through 30 problems. However, when I get home from work I kick off my shoes, grab a refreshing nonalcoholic beverage, and let my brain download the day's events.

All I can say is it was a hell of a lot easier to find time and initiative to study when I had all day to do as I pleased. Oh, to be financially independent and jobless!

So aside from work taking time out of my schedule, I've been giving a lot of thought to how much determination I have to actually follow through with an engineering degree. I feel like I should be geeking out on all things engineering related and eating general math problems for breakfast. Truth is, when I'm not in school, I rarely think about math. I think about making CD mixes, driving, working on my car, locations for 1 am photo shoots, and learning to play guitar again. I think about how much I love working outside and never doing the same thing twice.

Then I think about me as a future engineering student. I see me cursing at traffic as I commute to school and hauling boatloads of books. I see me being bored in class. I can imagine me turning down opportunities to go to shows or write blog entries in order to run my brain cells on a never ending treadmill of Calculus problems. I foresee the creative section of my brain shriveling up and dying as my camera collects dust on the shelf.

Then I try to look ahead to me as a mechanical engineer. I envision me sitting at a desk in a cubicle on a computer putzing away on CAD designing some I-beam. I envision me being super freaking bored and financially stable.

I'm not sure if these visions are completely fictional or the product of an imagination with no frame of reference about what actual engineers do all day. I have no problem sacrificing time or hobbies for something that will eventually pay off in terms of my ultimate happiness and hopefully as a positive contribution to society too. But at this age, I will be seriously pissed if I make the commitment to dump everything in my life except for school and I emerge as little more than an humanoid calculator given tasks to compute.

To put it in perspective, if someone told me that I would be technically challenged and creatively inspired shooting photography or pursuing music, I wouldn't hesitate to change my major. I'm just not convinced by the curriculum that I see at CSUN that a Journalism major is that challenging, or more importantly, even worth it. In fact, I would rather be an engineer any day than sit in a radio station newsroom again. For me, it seems like my constant debate: pursue a traditional degree and pretty much be guaranteed a good job or pursue a creative career and be in limbo financially but possibly be happier overall. Hmm...

Thoughts?